Prayer for Being Creation

Hello family!
So I posted this to give you an update and to ask for prayer over my next season. Let me just start by saying that this last year of my life has been a whirlwind and I don’t think it will calm down any time soon. The Spirit of God grabbed a hold of my heart in January of 2012 and started preparing me for a very unconventional lifestyle. In March of 2012, while I sat on my bed in my apartment Jesus said to me out of the blue, “Sarah you will drive up the coast, you will document every day and it will be published.”

It was out of left field and very overwhelming! That was all he said about the particular subject but continued to speak to me and confirm he wanted to take me away from LA. Three months after that Jesus asked me to move out of my apartment and implied to me that I would not have another apartment for a long time. I moved out and Jesus said he would take me away from LA by July. June came along and still I didn’t know where I was supposed to go, but contemplated the Lord’s words in my head about the coast. He only mentioned it to me once, but it was so shocking, obviously I never forgot it. In June I asked Jesus “Am I supposed to go up the coast and do what you told me to?” And he replied, “I am not answering that specific question, but I tell you, have faith in me.”

So Jesus didn’t give me a direct answer, and instead I had to jump out in faith to believe that this was His will for my life. Turns out it totally was his will, because every door flung wide open for me to do exactly what he wanted.

I battled and struggled and battled and struggled again to actually do all this and to be obedient. It was overwhelming and I could only take each day at a time. I got a lot of slack for being a psycho kook. However I was thankful my community was so beautifully loving toward me and this endeavor.

I documented every day, without a clue as to why or to whom I was writing. I didn’t know what I was supposed to document, I didn’t know the reason of why I was doing it, I didn’t understand the meaning, the purpose or the possible fruit of it all. One night half way up the coast, I laid in some hostel bed and Jesus told me the purpose of why I was writing. He said that i was writing a book to put on display an intimate relationship with Jesus. He told me what the name of the book would be and what the cover would look like.

So obviously, my life since last July has still been consumed with what Jesus told me to do, and it has only been halfway completed. It’s been 10 months since the trip, and Jesus has sanctified me tenfold to get me to a place where I would be willing to publish all this. I was a scared little baby and didn’t want to be seen by anyone for doing anything spectacular. It took Jesus 12 months (probably more then that, lets be honest) to strip away my pride of not wanting to be seen or known. Praise Him that he is the only one who could have changed me, my heart and my mind!

This last March Jesus confirmed to me that he wanted me to self publish the book on a website called lulu.com. People can order online and the book will be shipped to them.

I NEED YOUR PRAYERS. This is all His idea, His doing and His purpose. I need you to pray that God’s will be done! He wants to get it into people’s hands, so I have hope that his plan will go forth. I need you to pray that this would glorify him. That the Holy Spirit would fill each word on each page and that it would do whatever work Jesus has planned for it to do. It’s BAFFLED me completely that anything I wrote could do a good work. But I know Jesus doesn’t make bad decisions, and I have to trust that he will do whatever he wants and do it well!!

This last year of my life has been full of prayer and constant dependency on The Lord. And as much as I have gotten backhanded by the enemy and I’ve had everything taken away from me, I get encouragement by the fact that I am still homeless. That sounds weird, but listen to this: last May Jesus said to me as I was moving out of my apartment that I would not have another apartment for a good while. And currently, every day I ask him “Lord, can I have a home yet?” He says to me “No, not yet.” I have been homeless for 11 months now. So to me that says that Jesus isn’t done, and that I am still in His will.

The book is called “Being Creation” and here is the description:

“Being Creation is the testimony of a young woman writing to an unknown audience, prompted by a divine commission to road trip through the Pacific West Coast. With a clear direction but no clear purpose, she records her experiences and communication with the Triune God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Throughout thirty-two days of travel she encounters loneliness, people, provision, revelation and joy as she proclaims the struggle and wonderment of faith. As she contemplates the risk of following Him, Jesus reveals Himself through vision, voice and word to display His devotion to humanity. While meditating on our reflection of a perfect man, she confidently concludes her responsibility as a human being: to live a life intimately knowing and loving Jesus Christ.
The voice of God shines through to reveal His affirming love and desire for not only her, but for His church and each individual of creation. Profound insights from first person conversation and interaction display a true friendship between The Creator and the one He loves. Follow this journey of emotion and prayer as the Holy Spirit reveals himself from daily musings to vital truth.
Look inside Being Creation for a glimpse of a relationship with the Living God.”

While I knew I had to send this out as a prayer request, my heart still recoiled at the thought! Ugh Jesus I need you! I need every one of your prayers as well!
Help me Lord and glorify yourself and bring us all closer to you!!

I love you all so much. You are my family. Family used to just be a word to me, but because of you, now it means something great. Now I see what Jesus intended when he created us all together.
I love you.

-Sarah

Here is a link to the book!

http://www.lulu.com/shop/sarah-rivera/being-creation/paperback/product-21008556.html

He is with us.

“For this commandment that I command you today is not too hard for you, neither is it far off. It is not in heaven, that you should say, “Who will ascend to heaven for us and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it?” Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, “Who will go over the sea for us and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it?” But the word is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it. Deuteronomy 30:11-14

Philippians 4:11

I’ve known for a while that I am supposed to write down how I feel in response to what The Lord has taken away from me. In the last two months I have had everything taken away from me. I have more of nothing than any bit of nothing I’ve ever had before. I’ve always had very little. I’ve always “Just made it.” I’ve always been able to see The Lord miraculously provide in so many ways in the last 7 years of my life. But He has currently brought me to a place of severe need. Because Jesus asks me to follow Him, in turn I am being brought through the ringer. I have been sanctified and I have learned and I have grown, and at some point I thought it would settle down, mellow out, that hardcore sanctification would cease for a moment of fresh air. But yet everything continues forward, a trajectory toward having less and less. I have no money, I have no car, I have no home, I have no stable job, my belongings are few, my family undependable.

When I broke down and cried out to The Lord, saying “Why?! Why is this happening to me?!”
He responded by saying, “I am making you like Paul.”
And I cried back “I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE PAUL!”
Then he gently responded, “I am making you like Jesus.”
And I shut my mouth.
I have prayed to be more like Jesus. I have prayed that He would make me more into the likeness of His image. So I couldn’t complain, because He is answering prayer. Then He said He is making me content with nothing but himself, bringing me to a new low thus bringing me to a new high. And after that I had been determined to be content in Jesus. Because I knew that it was possible. By His grace I started to be content more and more. I’m not saying anything became easier. It is hard, it is difficult, it is weighty. I am attacked, I am judged and I am discouraged. But somehow He has managed to show that He is really with me despite not having anything else to gain comfort from or to call my own. Though I have nothing I have been given my community, a true loving family. People to love me, to provide for me, to pray for me and to not kick me out of their apartments when the time is up. There have been times when I have gone 10 days with a deficit in my bank account and managed to eat every single day despite that, because of the love of Jesus through those around me providing for me. I am truly rich in them. Every day I still oscillate between anxiousness and contentment. But now, I have a disturbing confidence that what I am going through is for and from Jesus. Despite how many people may condescend me, I am not despairing. Despite not being able to see too far ahead and know if stability may or may not come, I have to find my comfort and stability in only Him. When you first hear this phrase it seems insignificant and unnecessary, just words: to be content in Jesus. Then when you really need to be content in Jesus alone, you start to believe not that it’s unnecessary, but that it is impossible. What I can say from experience is that it is an exceptionally hard process to go through; it isn’t fun, it is painful and requires patience beyond oneself, but yes, it is possible. And not only that, but by the end, or even in the middle or perhaps sometimes in the beginning of that process, you see how valuable contentment truly is.

The Wait.

I felt like The Lord wanted me to post this vision from January 12th:

The Lord showed me running through a forest toward the edge of a cliff. I was being prepared by obstacle courses the whole run to be able to cross a very long bridge and get to the cliff on the other side. As I ran and I ran faster I got to the edge of the cliff but the bridge that was supposed to be there, wasn’t there. There was no way to get to the other side. I looked around to see if the bridge was somewhere else in either direction. I sat down and looked out at the open space in between, I looked to the edge of the cliff face on the other side. And I felt, “I will wait and have faith for a bridge to appear”. And I sat and waited, continuing to look out in the distance. Then suddenly The Lord gave me eagles wings. I jumped off the cliff. I glided through the air, spanning the large gap between cliffs. Gliding and gliding, flapping only once the whole long way.
I assume I made it to the other side.
Me: “How am I going to get there?”
Him: “It’s going to be more of a miracle than you think.”

My thoughts live on an electronic yellow notepad.

Life is more than just fun. Life is love. And love is more than fun. Love is hard, hard work. It’s sacrifice. It’s eternal. It’s divine.

You cant allow others sin to define you, especially since your own sin cant even define you. Only Jesus can define you.

If you worship one part of the trinity lesser than another than you wouldn’t be worshipping the entirety of God fully or completely.

Our emotions should stem from prayer. Not circumstances.

I am so thankful Jesus gave me a family before I realized I needed one.

Jesus: “Sweet one, I love to hear you say “I love you.’”

Jesus is obsessed with you more than satan hates you.

“Cool” is just a concept, not a fact.

My flesh is not my equal. It must be trained. When trained it is a sweet companion, if it is not trained it will devour the whole village.

Powah

You were shown these things
so that you might know that
the Lord is God;
besides him
there is no other.

Deuteronomy 4:35

Prayer.

In a world that sucks, He is beautiful.
In a place that’s diminishing, we are eternal.
I can mend nothing on my own, but I hold fast to what is True.
Praise you Lord, praise you.

I prayed and Jesus said:
“You have the ear to hear. Speak.”
“I want them like I have you.”
“Let him not take your crown. You, are my bride.”
“I made you weak for a reason. So I could be seen. (He laughed) Sarah, you are so great to me.”
“Pick up the calling to which I have called you to. And see me.”

Then He said, “Are you ready to ask Me?”
“I don’t know Lord, am I?”
“Yes. You are.”
“Then I guess I am.”
“Know that after you ask, you will now have the responsibility to take action.”
“Okay. Lord, Do I _____________________________________________?”
“Yes.”

Breath. His hand went to my face and His eyes teared, “See how easy that was? I love you Sarah, I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.” And He cried and He smiled over me and repeated and repeated what He felt in His heart.

My mind wanted to think of an outcome of what I had asked and I tried to attempt another question but He wouldn’t let me think about it. Instead He showed me the beginning and the end, in a snapshot, in one feeling, what He was doing and how He thinks. What He felt throughout it all.

He said, “Do you see now? Do you see now how much I love you? You have been with Me the whole time I have been with you.”

“I love you too” seemed like it wasn’t enough. But it was.

Thank you Father, for giving me your son to love. I laughed and I cried and I laughed and I cried. I have Him. I have Jesus. And He is in love with me.

Rest

“I dethrone Him if I demand He act in ways that satisfy my ideas. God is God. If he is God, he is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notion of what He is up to.”
-Elizabeth Elliot-

Oh wow.

Last week I sporadically drove up to Ventura and Santa Monica because I wanted to get away from everything and clear my head. While on a hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean this happened:

Jesus: “Sarah, I love you and I am thankful for you.”
Sarah: “You’re thankful for me??”
Jesus: “…Can’t I be?”

Pain will not last.

Last week was the type of week I feel I always have, but truly, only come few and far between happy days. I was low, I was down, I was discouraged. I house sat and spent almost an entire day laying on the couch in despair about my own life and the world at large. The bad news of my family had hit me like a canon ball, and all week I carried that ball on my chest. I looked at the world and thought how ugly and sad it was. I saw it and didn’t want it. I wanted to be with Jesus, where all is as it should be. I saw evil and sin and longed for purity and righteousness. But even in despair my heart still hurt for the world to become better; for the people who carry canon balls on their chests all day long to finally be free from it and see peace. The void of my own life was magnified by my inability to do anything but pray. Not that prayer is weak, prayer is powerful, prayer is the only weapon worth wielding. But the longing in my heart to grab the future Jesus has promised for me and bring in into the now, overcame me. I sat on the couch and wanted to stop thinking altogether. I want the world to know Him. But what could I do while sitting on the couch, with nothing to my name.
I’m turning 25 next week. I felt pathetic, honestly. One year ago I had all of what I needed to live fully, in the sense of the world. It was all from Jesus. But even a year later, because of Jesus, I have absolutely nothing. I long to be on the move for the Lord… I long to see Him use me in all the ways He has said He will use me. I felt overwhelmed by what I wanted the world and my life to become, but I am unable to touch it.

“The point is not that this world is too sad to love or too glad not to love; the point is that when you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more”
-G. K. Chesterton

I had dinner with a friend the same night, a dear friend who I’ve consistently confided in. She gave me a dose of my own medicine by looking at me with bright eyes and saying, “I am excited to see the Lord work through this and see all of what He has already planned, come through.” I chuckled as much as my sad spirit could. Because I find myself saying that to others quite frequently. Seeing another’s life from the outside, and through the eyes of Jesus, is a greater gift then I had ever before realized.

From that point on the weekend became brighter as the Spirit kept revealing to me:
“Either I have answered all your prayers from years ago, and am currently in the midst of answering your prayers (even though you feel no fruit), or I do not exist at all, and all of your life is for not.”

After that I could only be encouraged that Jesus was on the move even though I did not feel Him. That there is no middle ground. Even if His answer is “No”, then what a sweet and beautiful response, because it is perfect. Because he is perfect in all His ways and in all His dealings.

A few days later a friend asked how I was doing and I told her honestly how despairing the first half of my week had been, and then told her the beauty of the second half. She looked at me in the face with misty eyes and told me that the obedience I had to Christ in all the spontaneous and unconventional ways He has moved has given her courage to be closer to Him. And that my vulnerability in proclaiming Him has blessed her (As you read this, I thank you again for saying such things.) All of what she said reminded me that His work has already been done. That even from here on out if everything goes downhill, one person has been brought nearer to Him. That is the chief joy of my soul. My prayer has already been answered.

To top it off, the Spirit of Christ consoles me, always. A different friend text me this morning:

“Was lead to pray for you this morning sister; keep pressing in… “For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do. (Hebrews 6:10 NLT)”

And with a happy heart, I thank Jesus. Thank You for not letting me sit in despair. Thank You for showing me Your ways. Thank You for giving me Your eyes. Thank you for knowing better than me.